How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
