oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
