i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
