it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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