are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
