Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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