i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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