i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
