last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
