Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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