I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How's work?
Spinning.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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