420 ftw
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
