Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
