Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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