dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
