I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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