Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
