I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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