i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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