OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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