She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
