in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
