I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
