Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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