babies were throwing up all over the place
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it's great music for shaving your balls
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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