he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
