My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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