Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
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