Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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