she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
