I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
