I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
