The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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