You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
