I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I smell like Dick and happiness
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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