Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
