The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
