It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
