You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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