please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
