She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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