im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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