and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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