Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
