"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
