Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
