There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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