I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
