you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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