I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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