guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
